I am sitting in the plane. We just flew over Budapest. I am tired, the sun is shining warm and golden through the windows of the plane. I am surrounded by Turkish-German and German-Turkish people. I hear them speaking loud, wild and friendly. A little bit in German a little bit in Turkish. This already makes me happy to go to Istanbul. I am leaning back in my comfortable chair.
I am still tired from the Party last night. It was a wonderful night, my girls and me ended up in Prince Charles dancing wildly Hip Hop and just didn't care about anyone wachting.
The guy next to me tuk my seat at the window, I didn't mind, I want to sleep anyway. I like him. He looks Turkish but he is born in Berlin. He is on his way to get divorced, that's why he needs to fly to Ankara to sign some papers. In Berlin he has a Turkish Band, he is the drummer - which is why he always starts to clap around the seats.
Still, he is funny.
When I tell him that I will go to Iran after I travelled Turkey he became very worried. He said there might be controls and they will think I am going there to support ISIS.
I am terrified.
I try to tell myself that it is too late now anyway. I am already on my way to go there. I close my eyes and try to sleep.
I always have the same dream, which constantly repeats in my head.
I see my camera falling down from the plane and I get this very intensive feeling about the fact that nothing is under this plane I am flying with.
This fat big plane is flying. Really flying! Hundreds of kilometers high, nothing to hold on to, such a long way falling down.
I wake up and promise myself not to fall asleep anymore.
My neighbor is still worried about me. He tells me about my Family and that I shouldn't do something like my journey to them bla bla... I too lazy to proof him that I am informed, prepared, registered at forgein councils and so on. I had this kind of Talk the last three months - after I decided to go. In the end I had so many concerns that I didn't wanted to go. I changed my plans five times a day. One the one hand I am scared and on the other hand I am curios . Now I want to experience how it really feels. So far in my life I experienced Fear as something you have to work with and it comes back to you as the greatest Joy.
So I went. 1 hour ago.
Now I am so full of so many different feelings that I don't know what to think anymore. But I don't mind. I want to experience every moment just like it is.
Less then one hour to arrival time.
I lean back again, close my eyes, listen to the voices around me and think about Max. I haven't seen him for seven weeks, while he was travelling through the Wild East. I don't know how much he changed or how much we changed. But I am excited to find out! In the few phone calls we had via What'sapp I noticed that he is looking forward to see me. I don't know why because when I look at his blog his journey looks so great without me. Anyway, I am happy about this open, adventures situation.
I distancing myself more and more from the noise around me. The strong golden sunset above the clouds is falling on my face, I am feeling warm and safe - I guess, I never loved my life as much as in this moment. I am satisfied. I am happy. I am finally asleep.