I am in the same place as before, two years and one month ago: sitting in a plane to Istanbul, writing the last blog post for TheStoryBehindTheLabel, before the biggest adventure of my life started, being uncertain about everything that is ahead of me.
Back then the sun was shining golden through the windows, while people spoke the friendly Turkish language. Just as they do now.
I took out my i-pad, back then: brand new. Today: full of scratches from the sand storms in the desert of Iran, working on the websites for Rohabs Hostel.
Two years ago it was the start of a big journey with so many different people, fashion-designer, -producer, -artisans, -worker, -business men and -agents. Everything was new, I was afraid, not to say terrified. But everyone and everything I was supposed to be afraid of turned into something I learned a lot about and from. - Details, that are still not generally known, but so essential to know for valuing the clothes we wear.
I returned to Germany and passed on as much knowledge as I could. In two years I helped building up two companies with VinoKilo, resulting from Darpdecade, founded Heimathandel to support local businesses also in Germany, I got varies of jobs as a PR Freelancer, founded and created blogs and other formats for more conciousness and I started working for DaWanda, where Claudia Helming opened the chance for me to work with my knowledge of sustainable textile supply. I brought them in contact with Lebenskleidung, to work together on a little trade-agreement between DaWanda and the recycling factory Converse in the slums of New Delhi, India. They make the DaWanda bags from recycled fibres now.
I am happy about all the things that developed with the knowledge I got and I couldn’t be happier looking on how networks and new labels - and finally also influencer and media people - celebrate the green lifestyle now, I am so passionate about. We, around eight people starting the organization of Fashion Revolution for Germany, founded an association as fff - future fashion forward e.V., managed to include so many other projects next to the Fashion Revolution campaign. Now everything moves faster also in green scene.
I always admired my passionate lifestyle and always chose adventure over comfort, but some things simply change. I reached a point where I had to accept something:
What I did so far is still not enough in my eyes.
I became frustrated by all these little baby steps, while big economists still drive markets in completely unsustainable directions. Besides, privately live tricked me into situations, that made me overthink my responsibilies as a human being. Being pregnant for the first time in my life, being on my own with it in India and losing it just so quickly, made me question myself if it even happened - this, being only one example of two intense past years privately and the work I do. I stand for full individual responsibility for all your actions, but the past two years simply made me overthinking any of my actions.
I finally realized: It doesn’t matter how hard you work-, or already were able to change-, or handle- there will be always some things you can not change.
And then it is about accepting that there are some things, which will never be as they used to be. Knowing about impacts and sustainable choices is like taking a pill you can not take back. That happens with experience. To get yourself out of your self-pity, moving on with the good impacts of this new situation, is a task I was wondering how to solve it.
It was my French friend Julie, former Vintage It Girl, now Consious Buyers Club, who said: Make your life more about you! Easy said, hard task. It has been long, that I have been to a place, I fully love, being able to do what I love. Germany forces me to be part of an global economy in an extend of consumerism, that changes a lot of aspects in doing what I love. My normal case is: I analyse, I find out, I critique and try harder to change. But I am not enjoying it anymore. I cant, I get angry by most offers, products, productions and prices.
But: also I am tried of fighting in the first row. Regardless how proud I am on the green fashion movements, knowing I had an impact: I want to stop fighting what I hate and turn it into a making of what I love.
I set myself a timeline and gave myself six months by booking a ticket back to the place, where I discovered ten years ago, what it is like to be fully loved, simply as you are. I had to overcome myself and doing big non-sustainable decicions, returning to this place. But something else I learned from someone really wise: When we do what we burn for we either burn out - or we take a step back sometimes and can grow into a lasting fire, lighting others.
So I am here again in this plane, once around the globe towards a place where people dont take themselves very seriously important, more see themselfs as one part of many aspects in life and this world. That creates a respect for nature, animals, life, energies and enviroment as a very unromantic, very real factor of their society:
New Zealand, I will be back once more.