I am in the same place as before, two years and one month ago: sitting in a plane to Istanbul, writing the last blog post for TheStoryBehindTheLabel, before the biggest adventure of my life started, being uncertain about everything that is ahead of me.
Back then the sun was shining golden through the windows, while people spoke the friendly Turkish language. Just as they do now. I did not knew it back then, but I liked it. That has not changed, just that I understand some bits and pieces.
I took out my I-pad, back then brand new. Today: full of scratches from the sand storms in the desert of Iran, working on the websites for Rohabs Hostel.
Two years ago it was the start of a big journey with so many different wonderful people, fashion-designer, -producer, -artisans, -worker, -business men and -agents. Everything was new, I learned a lot about details that are still not generally known, but so essential to know for valuing the clothes we wear.
I returned to Germany and passed on as much knowledge as I could. In two years I helped building up two companies, got varies of jobs as a PR Freelancer and started working for DaWanda, where Claudia opened the chance to work with my knowledge of sustainable textile supply. I brought them in contact with Lebenskleidung, to work together on a little trade-agreement between DaWanda and the recycling factory Converse in the slums of New Delhi, India. They make the DaWanda bags from recycled fibres now.
I am happy about all the things that developed with the knowledge I got and I couldn’t be happier looking on how networks and new labels and finally also influencer and media people celebrate a green lifestyle, I am so passionate about. We managed to build up our German Fashion Revolution channels next to everything else we do and connected designers with bloggers. Now everything moves faster also in green scene.
I always admired my passionate lifestyle and always chose adventure over comfort, but some things simply change. I reached a point where I had to accept something.
What I did still wasn’t enough in my eyes. I became frustrated by all these little baby steps, while big economists still drive markets in completely unsustainable directions.
Besides, privately live tricked me into situations, I hope no one has to go through. Being pregnant for the first time in my life, being on my own with it in India and losing it just so quickly, made me question myself if it even happened - and this being only one example of two intense past years privately, but also in the job. It simply made me overthinking all my actions.
I finally realized, it doesn’t matter how hard you work-, or already were able to change-, or handle - there will be always some things you can not change.
And then it is about accepting that there are some things, which will never be as they used to be. Knowing about impacts and sustaibale choices is like taking a pill, you can not take back taking it. That happens with experience. To get yourself out of your self-pity, moving on with the good impacts of this new situation is a task, I was wondering long how to solve it.
It was my French bestie Julie, former Vintage It Girl, now Consious Buyers Club, who said: Make your life more about you! Easy said, hard task. It has been long that I have been to a place, I fully love, being able to do what I love. Germany forces me to an extend of consumerism, that changes a lot of aspects in doing what I love. My normal case is: I analyse, I find out, I critique and try harder to change.
I am tried of fighting in the first row. Regardless how proud I am on the green fashion movements, knowing I had an impact. But I want to stop fighting what I hate and turn it into a making of what I love.
I set myself a timeline and gave myself six months by booking a ticket back to the place, where I discovered ten years ago, what it is like to be fully loved simply as you are. A place where people dont take themselves very serious and respect energy and enviroment as a very unromantic, very real factor of their life.
New Zealand, I will be back once more.